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Another Scar

Posted on Mon Sep 28th, 2020 @ 11:53am by Knight Countess Jen'axandra Varris

Dear Journal,

Well, I have another scar to add to my extensive collection of mental and physical scars. I'm afraid a promising friendship has turned into something of a bitter rivalry between me and Illianna Duran. She believes me to be reckless. I believe the Enclave to be inflexible and lacking in initiative. This is exactly the level of unthinking blindness the Emperor used to annihilate the Jed Order. None of the Bantha's ever took the initiative and asked those in front of the stampede about the cliff they were charging towards.They all followed orders.

But she has a point... I tried to explain that to her. But she was too much a Jedi. It's clear today. I'm not a Jedi anymore. The Order sent me to the Jedi Watchmen because they didn't want Count Dooku training me. It was one step above perhaps prison or worse. What is Illiana going to do when she's cut off from the chain of command? Wait around for a vision or revelation on what to do when a Star Destroyer was bearing down on us? I wonder if I'm going to be subjected to the same judgmental bias the Jedi developed during the war?

But we have no army here. If they know our faces, follow us. If they gather intelligence on us. It will be Order 66 all over again.

When you fight the Empire, you do so from the shadows. You don't give them a target, you don't ever give them an opportunity to strike. The Empire will collapse in on itself one day, all that is needed or required is for the Empire to be carved out from within.

The last mission was a failure. True we recovered two force users, but it was a stunning failure. Illiana will of-course argue it's because of me.

I don't know if I agree with these Lightside Jedi anymore. True strength in the force comes from seeing both perspectives. Why spend your entire life searching for higher mysteries meditating on a hill while your body atrophies from meditating about mysteries of the universe too long. Literally staring up to the stars asking for revelation from them.

But the Dark Side is not the correct path either. We're not a snarling, rabid Nexu who runs around in search for prey like the Empire does.

I should go speak to Shana about this.

The Light blinds, the Dark blinds, But I will see clearly as long as I follow the will of the force.

 

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