Thoughts on Enclave
Posted on Wed Sep 2nd, 2020 @ 7:50pm by Knight Countess Jen'axandra Varris
I have to admit. Enclave is incredible. So are the people I met here. In some ways, I feel as if I belong here, a place where I can heal my wounds, but in others; I am a stranger here. I am contributing what I can for the Enclave. Everything I've been able to learn from my experiences. But I'm feeling a stark contrast between myself and the other Jedi. I don't feel like a Jedi Knight here. Maybe I felt so during the clone wars, but not anymore. Not after what I and Keto witnessed.
The hubris... the foolishness. At the height of their power, the high counsel allowed a Sith to rise, become emperor, and wipe them out. I remember so many times i and Keto told them the blaring, truth... in order to be cast aside again and again. They wanted us to watch the dark places of the Galaxy. Trusted us to be the eyes and ears. At first I though we were truly Jedi Knights... But what if somehow we were something else. People who spoke inconvenient truths. Probably too powerful to just let walk away, to old to be true Jedi. I wonder....
Did the Jedi Order have outcasts they called Watchmen?
But we saw... The kind of people in the Republic Intelligence Bureau. The laws that the Supreme Chancellor passed. With or without the Senate's approval. Did Master Yoda know? I think about mine and Master Keto's journeys and I am slowly coming to an undeniable conclusion. Even after meeting Shana Oban.
First; She's not like me. At first I may have had the mistaken concept of her as kin. She was just taking up the role of leadership for someone else.
Second; Do the Jedi deserve to lead more into the same overconfidence, hubris, and narrow thinking that resulted in their clones executing them at a whim.
Third; Do I swear loyalty to the Jedi Order once again? At least the Rebellion isn't blind. Is it time for the Jedi to pass? Do I let them lead impressionable students to the same backwards thinking that allowed a Sith Lord to go undetected while he arranged their complete destruction? The more I think of it, the more I see myself as just... a woman with a lightsaber and a striking wardrobe with only one Jedi Robe in it.
We told the high counsel of the Jedi Order so many times that things were not right with the Republic. That maybe... they were on the wrong side. Did they not sense the darkness in the Republic. So busy sitting in temples musing on their archives. Or in their spires, high above the degradation of the Republic asking questions of the stars for 'higher mysteries' of the force. Is it right to stare into the sun, knowing your eyes would go blind in a vain effort to learn mysteries you may never know? Or stumble blind in the dark in your unrestrained rage. Believing you're powerful, but knocking your head in the wall.
I don't know what to think about the Jedi Order anymore. I don't know if I ever was truly a Jedi, but I know I am not like those monstrous inquisitors.
What am I? I follow the Jedi way, at least I think, but some of the tenants require.... blindness of mind.
I need to ponder this carefully.